I hate blogging.

Truth is... I hate blogging.  I'm not quite sure why, but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe it has something to do with measuring up.  I read deep and intriguing blogs all the time and I think, "man I'd love to write like that."  When I sit down to do it, I find myself thinking "what can I write that will impact someone, that will interest someone, that people will want to read?"  But unfortunately, I'm not a creative writer.  In fact, I still have trouble remembering when to add a "," and when to leave it out.  So instead of writing something that is meant to impact someone, I'll just write about life.
I'm blogging for one reason today: I told myself I'd blog twice a month (and yes, the post where I said I would blog twice a month definitely counts toward January).  I've also been following through on a lot of the 50 Things in 2012.  Every week since the first of the year I've run, I've strength trained and I've been setting aside time to read through Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster and practicing the disciplines he writes about.
This month is meditation.  And I'll be honest, I'm not the most disciplined person in the world, so having discipline in my walk with God can be challenging.  But going through this book little by little has given me guidance and I've enjoyed it so far.  Foster talks about the difference between meditation that is often practiced by Eastern religions and Christian meditation.  The goal of the former is to empty their mind and detach from the world.  They want to merge with the Cosmic Mind to experience freedom from the brokenness and hurt of this life and escape "from the miserable wheel of existence."  But in Christian meditation the goal is to fill the mind with Christ and to experience a "richer attachment to God" (Foster 20, 21). 
I've found meditation to be very transformative as a person in ministry.  With the busyness of getting things done in time and always working on the next program, event or meeting, meditation brings me back to the root of it all.  It centers me on the One who is working through me for His eternal purpose.  When I get out of this discipline, my life becomes unbalanced and I forget to what ends I am working.  But when I focus my mind and heart on hearing God's voice, resting in His presence and reading His Word, I am able to find peace in the chaos and in the brokenness of my own life.  God reminds me in those moments that He is the one that calls me and that if I remain in Him and He in me, then I will bear much fruit.  But apart from Him, I can do nothing (John 15).
It's so easy to trust in the things that we can see... in the concrete... and in our own decisions rather than God's whispers.  But if we're willing to rest in God's presence... to listen... then God will speak.